It has been three years since my daughter passed away, and it was the hardest time of my life. I was completely unprepared for what that kind of loss felt like. It was a complete and total emptiness. I had decided that nothing would make me smile again. If she couldn’t, I couldn’t. That was until someone brought me back to Disney, and for that I will always be grateful. Did Disney make the pain go away? No, but it did do three other very important things for me. It’s the reason I will always recommend traveling after a loss, and especially to Disney.
Escape the questions
After the death of a loved one, people mean well, but boy do they ever have questions. It feels like everywhere you turn someone is asking you how you feel, how you are handling the arrangements, what you will do with their stuff… so many questions. You know they only have the best intentions, but it’s overwhelming. It’s overwhelming because you don’t have the answers. All you know is your loved one is gone. You start to feel trapped in their questions, and helpless. The great thing about Disney is those questions don’t exist there. The cast members are asking you if you want more juice, want a treat, and if you are having a good day. Those are the kind of questions you can handle. Those kind of questions don’t make you feel like you are some delicate thing to be tip-toed around. Slowly, by answering those questions you start to remember that you are not as helpless as you thought. It may seem silly to someone who is not grieving, but being able to make even the smallest decision is hard, and when you do it can be freeing.
You are not “that” person
People do not do it on purpose, but after you lose a loved one, you are immediately labeled: the grieving widow, mother, sister. People immediately see you as this helpless creature that they need to be careful around. They try to hide it, but you know everyone is talking about you. You hear the whispers, you see the texting, and you know it’s about you. In the Disney parks, no one is looking at you like that. No one is looking at you with those pity filled eyes. No one is trying to console you. They treat you like a normal, healthy individual. When you feel like everything you know has collapsed around you, a brief moment of normalcy can save your life. Even Disney’s version of normalcy. It might only be for a split second, but for that tiny second, you are not the elephant in the room. You are not the person people are watching to see what you do. You are the old you. The one that could smile, the one who could be happy, and the one who believed things will work out. It might be the lifeline you desperately hold on to, and eventually use to pull yourself out of the darkness.
To remind yourself the world hasn’t stopped moving
When you are grieving it can feel like the world has stopped. You have entered into this black hole where nothing matters, and everything is negative. That is a hard thing to feel in the Disney Parks. As you look around you see fathers showing their children rides they rode as a child. You see attractions you first saw on school trips in middle school, and most importantly, you can remember a happier time when you were there. Healing means learning to live with loss, not getting over it. You realize the world does continue to move and grow. Happiness and hope live in the Disney parks, there is no room for sadness and pain.
The main point here is that traveling to a vacation area will give you breathing room. Desperately needed breathing room. It will not make you forget what happened, but it will take you out of that world even if it’s just for a small time. When I was pregnant with my little girl, Annabelle, I would dream about bringing her to Disney. After all, it was my favorite place on earth, and I wanted to give her the world. After she passed away, I had her right footprint tattooed on my right foot. On the last day of visiting the parks, I remember looking down at it and smiling. I realized it may not have been how I wanted to bring her, but every step I take she takes with me. I stood there for a moment and took my first real breath since she passed away. Breathing may seem like a simple task, but it means you choose life. I truly believe that trip saved me, and I believe it can do the same for others.
