Disneyland is a place where you leave the real world behind. Little girls can be pirates, little boys can be Space Rangers, and adults can be children again. If you can imagine it, Disney can create it. With thousands of princesses, princes, and Olafs running around, it becomes a very happy sight.
With that being said there are a few villains in the parks that Disneyland could use less of. I am not talking about evil queens, witches or Cruella Deville. The following five villains do not steal puppies, lock people in towers or put sleeping curses on anyone, but rather something so much worse. They may look like normal guests, but they can do terrible things…
OK maybe not terrible, but annoying. They are just really annoying.
Food Line Frank
Imagine this.
You have been spending the morning running around California Adventure, and you get hungry. Not a problem since Disney has numerous dinning options available. You get a sniff of a corn dog in the air and you know that is exactly what you want. You head right to the stand and get in line. You are waiting, and waiting, but since this is Disneyland you are used to waiting in lines. As your stomach rumbles harder you start to wonder what is holding up the line and then you spot him; Food Line Frank. Everyone’s worst nightmare when they are hungry. He is the type of guest who is at the order counter and doesn’t know what he wants. Never mind that Disney has placed a sign the size of Texas to list what they serve, never mind he would have had time to decide in line and super never mind the simple fact it’s a corn dog stand so maybe they serve corn dogs. Nope, all this has evaded Food Line Frank, and you are left waiting behind him as he decides if he really feels like a corn dog or not. So you stand there fuming, hungry and staring so hard that you are burning holes into the back of his head.
Oh, and when he finally does decide between… well a corn dog or a corn dog; he pays in change. Yup, he nickel and dimes his thirty dollar order. Food Line Frank strikes again.
Complaining Clara
You know what I love hearing when I’m waiting 90 minutes for an attraction? Hearing someone complain the entire time. Yup, that just makes the wait so much more enjoyable, and luckily Complaining Clara always happens to be right behind me. Apparently she is surprised that there are long waits for popular attractions. The fact that it’s a Saturday in July must not have be a factor to her, because after she gets out of that line, she is going to march over and give guest relations a piece of her mind. She also feels it is too hot… again, in July.
This is somehow Disney’s fault. I know this, because she has said it fifteen times in the last twenty minutes. I can barely stand up in that kind of heat, and she can somehow find the energy to keep talking.
Photo Op Phil
Everyone wants their kids to have a picture taken with the Disney Characters, and are willing to wait in long lines to do it. Photo Op Phil agrees with Complaining Clara about how long the lineup is, and how people should move quicker. They think the Disney character is taking too long with the other kids, but everything changes when their children get to the front of the line. Photo Op Phil figures his kids are way more important than the other people’s children, and will insist on pictures being taken with his phone, his wife’s phone, his camera, her camera, and his second cousin’s friend’s neighbor’s camera. Each picture being slowly set up, retaken, and taken one more time to be sure. All while the rest of the line stands and waits with hungry, tired and hot children.
Cast Crabby Connie
Crabby Connie can easily be identified by standing still for a moment and listening for ridiculous demands being yelled at a volume that should be reserved for a rock concert. Cast members work hard to provide guests with a great experience, but unfortunately have little to no control over company rules. It is not their fault that a ride is closed down for refurbishment. It may come as a surprise, but they have no power over it.
When I come across one of these Connies I want to stop and ask them if they control every decision made by the company they work for. Chances are probably not. So what makes them think this twenty year old college kid from Anaheim can change company wide policy? They can’t, but here’s what they can do. They can listen to your suggestion, and pass it on to their supervisor. The supervisor can pass that comment off to someone higher than them. Maybe someone up the line can change something, but this will not happen as a result of guests screaming at cast members.
The cast members want to help people, but they will likely be more helpful if guests are not screaming their demands four inches from their faces.
Mommy Monsters
The thing that gets me is that these characters are not only screaming at cast members, but at their own children too. Recently in Disneyland I overhead a mother telling her eight year old child that she ruined the family’s vacation. How did this little girl ruin everything? It was because she was too scared to go on Tower of Terror. I’m a thirty-three-year-old Disney parks fanatic, and I get scared waiting in line for that ride. My husband is a heavily tattooed military veteran and he can get nervous about riding it sometimes. So for her to tell her child she ruined the family vacation is ridiculous and cruel. Also how does that help the rest of the day? I can’t imagine it will be smooth sailing from there. Look I get it, everyone gets tired. It’s a lot of walking, in a lot of heat, but making someone feel bad because of it is never right. Yes the Mommy Monster paid a lot of money to get there, yes she had to sacrifice to afford it, and yes she wanted to ride that ride, but her child was scared. Most of all, Mommy Monsters need better manners.
These five characters are easy to pick out in the parks, and even though they can be terribly distracting, I honestly feel bad for them. They have forgotten what the other 95% of guests have remembered. That Disney isn’t about lines, schedules or being owed anything. A relationship with Disneyland is a two way street. You give them your time, patience, imagination, and they will give you Disney magical wonderment.
