Nostalgia is Disney’s most powerful weapon, and boy, do they know how to use it. But here’s the dirty little secret no one likes to admit: some of those ‘beloved classics’ are about as thrilling as a PowerPoint presentation. Some Disney veterans might preach about how they grew up riding this one or how it’s an essential part of the Disney experience. Still, it’s funny how those same attractions are the ones you can walk onto at 2 p.m. on a Saturday with hardly any wait. If they’re really that treasured, why isn’t anyone actually riding them? The truth is, a lot of us would rather keep the warm, fuzzy memories in our hearts than waste precious park time pretending we still care. Here are four Disney Parks attractions that get a lot of online love, and not as much face-to-face visit time as they may seem.
Journey Into Imagination with Figment (EPCOT)
Nostalgia warriors keep it alive, but the ride itself is a chaotic fever dream (yes, I’ve described it that way before!). While some may love the origin story and symbolism of this somewhat-tolerable purple dragon, it doesn’t mean that the current version of this attraction is the best we can hope for. The love for the character may be real, but the respect for this odd, confusion-ridden, disaster of an attraction might have you wondering what everyone is on about. I make no apologies; this one was on my original bulldoze list, so you shouldn’t be surprised.
Tom Sawyer Island (ex-Magic Kingdom & Disneyland)
While this D-grade summer camp of a makeshift island might represent a better time, its space in the park is prime real estate for something guests might actually like to visit. Magic Kingdom gave this wasteland the boot only months ago, and now, some Disney fans are secretly keeping their eyes peeled for new plans moving into Disneyland Park as well. I’ll give you this: it’s a shame to lose the Rivers of America; the waterway was a refreshing feature of the park, but the island itself? Show me a Disney fan who has traveled over there more than once in five years, or better yet, put your hands up, Disney Parks pros who have never bothered with it! This adventurous theme would be better served as a free playground area in Disney Springs than as a part of your $1,000-a-family-day Disney Parks trade-off.
“it’s a small world” (Disneyland & Magic Kingdom)
For starters, the song is infectious in the most unconcenting form of the word. It’s an earworm that even if you are ready for it, follows you home with more spooky side effects than one of the Haunted Mansion‘s 999 happy haunts that hitch-hike home on your Doom Buggy. Still, Disney purists swear this is a beloved part of Disney history, with pre-prepared pitchforks waiting at the door if anyone were to alter it more than adding a new Mary Blair-style character to its interior. More curiously, over the last few years, when encountering a die-hard IASW fan, I’ve taken to asking them how recently they have enjoyed it. For most, this iconic part of Walt Disney history seems to be a highly skippable part of the day plan. And, I can’t deny, I will NEVER get over the relentless red line insisting I capitalize something, anything in that attraction name.
Astro Orbiter (Magic Kingdom & Disneyland)
I’m fully aware that there is someone on our team who hates this attraction, but personally, I’m a fan. Sure, it’s simple, and there is nothing graceful about getting in, nor out of it, yet I seem to have a soft spot for those photos you get of friends and family in the rocket ship behind you as they soar through the air with Magic Kingdom as their backdrop. Yes, I am one of those people. Which brings me to the attraction I am guilty of when it comes to the subject matter of this article. I love it. It’s part of the quintessential Disney Parks experience on either coast; nevertheless, I rarely, if ever, get on it. My nostalgic pride stems from a blend of younger years memories and Disney commercials that I have morphed into partially my own experience. And thus I become my own case in point.
Disney deserves credit for swinging big, even when the swings don’t always land. The truth is, clinging to every so-called ‘classic’ just because we once loved it does more harm than good. Timeless in memory isn’t the same as timeless in practice, and too often we mistake nostalgia for relevance. Maybe it’s time we admit that some rides are best left where they shine brightest in our memories, not our itineraries.
